Friday, November 23, 2012

Alone

The fire warms my back, perched on the hearth. It is me and the dogs. The sound of tinkling collars and gas flames licks. It is good. This space to breathe and be. For years the moments of quiet were spent planning the next meal, day, pick up, shop, budget, load of laundry. For decades the machines whirred in early mornings and evenings to keep dishes and clothes clean. Now I luxuriate in the freedom to be. Before he left tonight for the gig, I point out our obvious difference. I am content after the Costco trip. I was out, experiencing consumerism on Black Friday, and crossing things off my perpetual list. Even at the till I realized there were things I might need, do want, and didn't remember. Next time. There always is a next time. But tonight was fulfilling enough for me. I had not recognized myself as an introvert until recently. I am never shy to speak my mind. I have opinions that require expression. I love people and to entertain. I am cognizant that only sometimes I have the energy necessary in relationships or activities that involve others. After 25 years of a house of kids the obvious has been revealed to me. I have been stretched to the thinnest of elastic with the noise, the chores, the meals, demands, did I mention noise? I like the quiet. I am at ease in the solitude of nothingness. I love having 4 books part read that keep my mind, spirit or imagination sharp. Bathing in the solitude fortifies me.

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