Wednesday, August 15, 2012

blurry through tears

..and this can effect how I see things right now. How did this happen so quickly? A hub of buzzing activity, bumping into each other both day and night...waiting on showers and netflix will completely end within the next 24 hours. I can't describe all that is emerging within my throat...heart...eyes...it comes unwelcome at times...like the other night in Superstore...for no reason I find tears have spilled down my cheeks and the emotion of the moment is raw and open for all to see. I am relieved there is no death to accompany my grief. There is no sickness nor forlorn misfortunes. We are in a new stage of life. It has been happening for years...more than six in fact as our Kimee ventured to unknown corners exploring, then Jared bound for Europe and far lands both as a tourist and a rebel. Both returned and left again, more than once. This time there is a finality. A finality of the chaos, empty milk cartons in the fridge, mounds of laundry, recycling, 30 packs of toilet tissue, granola bars and spare toothbrushes. A finality that they will be now be visitors... Alighting for laundry - but leaving again...this feels weird. The poignancy of the moment can be remembered in the gathering on our living room floor between the stairs.... Something magical has always happened there. Naps, hugs, pictures, tears, arguments too...but none that I can remember. Packing has happened there....clothes and bags strewn with no semblance of order. Long, deep thoughtful talks....imbibing, jibing, laughter..laundry seems to always be folded there...the exact center of the house. Tonight was no different. Sweaters and shoes litter the floor...we are all poised to help cram as much of Samee's wardrobe into a backpack...It feels and looks impossible - but I will take credit for an optimistic spirit, for I know that much is possible that looks insurmountable. Zippers taut, a feat accomplished. My throat aches as I swallow hard to keep from crying. Kimee joins through the wonders of the internet and I see her radiant face. Her venture into biology and the likes have sparked a new spirit in her. Tomorrow I will bid adieu to Samee for Winnipeg and Jared to New West. Tomorrow will be fresh and new and although I will feel loss, there is also hope for this next part of the journey..

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