Sunday, May 20, 2012
I intended to do so much more. At least to put away my dishes and pick up my clothes. Alas, I was inert and unable to accomplish more than settling under blankets and fluffing my pillow. I awoke this morning and quelled the dread by reminding myself things are not as bad as they seem. At 8:00am I began to bring semblance and order and by 8:10am the chaos was under control. I must remember this every day, for sometimes, the dread that floods leaves me powerless to move forward. It reminds me of the yoga instructor that tells our class that to make energy you must use energy. The more you use your energy the more you will make. Inertia follows the same rules with a different result. I am encouraged, enthused, energized for the day. I have a list of things that may only take me 10 minutes each, but for which I have procrastinated. The second thing to cross off is to try to blog every week. Done!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Skype talks have replaced her presence. Last night we were amused by their chocolate teeth and "couple" banter. It had been over an hour and by then she was painting her nails and reading Facebook.....but we were still enjoying each other. The notion of missing her has been replaced by missing her physical presence. It did not escape my notice that her sister had probably talked less to us all week. It is not that the relationship is strained. For Samee we can have two minute conversations a few times a day. The weighty matters are saved. For Kimee it is typical to only have those heart to hearts...."this is where I am at" talk, but the luxury of getting bored in a conversation but lingering just to hear and see each other. As our morning unrolled snippets of Kimee are rehashed. "I hope they find a great place to live" "She seems to love what she is doing".... She is with us in the morning. Samee will soon grace us with her presence...we really must engage her more.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
why and how are not important...nothing is at the moment that you realize you are truly not in control of everything you thought. I scorned any relationship that left me bereft or questioning...and yet that is where I am at. Wondering the influence I have in my family and my world. I would like to think of their eminent respect of my abilities at both word games and competitions...the latter being gauged through a WiFi connection to Zumba....but it works for me. To know, for certain, that I am 79% or 95% allows me satisfaction at having accomplished something that is measurable. Isn't that what we all aspire to? Wanting to know we affected the world about us, in some way, any way, as to say we were here. So...for today...Zumba will suffice to say that I have inspired you to the greater within.. : )