Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas Letters...

Have you got people who update you with their latest adventures through Machu Pichu or Chiang Mao? What about the one-way update on their kids..and the long list of amazing accomplishments saving third world villages whilst earning their second degree...or their 4 year old has started reading War and Peace? ...And then in this same letter I get to hear they built their dream house on acreage...professionally decorated....

Yes...I am venting...and not because I am vying for their life.... It was probably just my head space. I had a great summer...I explored the Sip n' Dip in Great Falls, Montana. One finished school and started a career...one set off for adventure while waiting for immigration status... We have also had some down sides to this year. My tolerance for chaos increased exponentially...and not because I wanted it to. I have been stretched beyond measure in patience. I have learned several new skills and mastered a few as well. Anxiety over health lulled until the end of the year...I am now looking through my trunk to find the coping skills I acquired by necessity.

so...this is my Christmas letter....accomplishments with disappointments....highs and lows....my reality.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Waiting for 100

Whilst my daughter is "Waiting for 100" (her blog) we are missing her and Andrew. We decorated the tree...they rode a train through Thailand. We supped on appetizers that included peanut butter rice krispie treat with chocolate....she ate things of unknown origin. We probably did as well...but we are sublime in our ignorance. Days weeks, months and years seem to speed by at such a pace to make one's head spin...and in our house .... a sign of fragility.

Mothering has not ended on Lyon Road....There is plenty of nag left in me... but it is with a caution at the realization that I really have little affect on the spin of their lives now. I can control my environment....but only for a moment....for I have known the fleeting moment of security is but that.... and then it changes....

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I am eating cake made with butter icing and eggs - and of course wheat flour. It is a treat....but more lately when I realize that two of my daughters could not eat it - one being lactose intolerant, the other wheat and egg allergic.

My kitchen has had to change. I thickened gravy with cornflour today. I omit cheese...and try to find something that will be that "glue" to stick things together so that we can enjoy the same dinner together.

I am on a new quest....and if you know me this is a good thing. Out to find family friendly meals that include the above, along with two vegetarians, three carnivores with guests, a sugar sensitivity, a day that starts just after 5:00am and a full time job.

Women of yesteryear were certainly strong and brave, but women of this century have a whole new frontier to conquer.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Thank you

Not enough can be said about appreciation....it is a necessity for the energy expended....I am grateful for a myriad of people who have walked alongside, encouraged, loved, made me laugh, made me think, corrected, chastised, reminded, and even hurt me. They have made me who I am today.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted...Faith is what happens when you didn't expect it..Hope is what you need to begin each day....but appreciation is the recognition of all you have done for someone or something to happen.

For me...I hope that you know who you are...those who have sustained me....made my sides ache reading cards in Edmonton...or parts of books in Chapters - Langley....brought me food when I was hungry - and needed a vegetarian pizza because it had been days since I had eaten something remotely proper... I don't know if these people have been appreciated to the depths they need to be. For me...they are and will always be the most amazing people possible.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Reckless Abandon

...I can hear it....coming from the pool. Splash displacing gallons of water....giggles and plotting. They have been playing for hours....trying to get the perfect mid-air catch from the diving board in the air. I currently am hearing the moan of a back flop....not flip...and the subsequent laughing....doubled over of his cohort. The scissor kick did not work....the water was like cement. He didn't wind himself...but the pain was apparent. The fact that Andrew could not stop laughing at him was the tone of men playing.

We don't hear enough of this. Men flailing themselves at a hurling object...and then laughing such a deep belly laugh causing envy all around. We see angry men....stupid men....leering, ogling men. But rarely do you hear men at play...forgetting age and decorum and seeking that perfect catch...

It didn't happen. But the laughter filled the block.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Eerie or ?

I think it is inborn. Perhaps a gift to some....perhaps a skill you hone with the more children you bear. I have come to this conclusion after innumerable instances of reminding - prodding - urging - encouraging - my children/husband/boss/employee/coworker/board member...you get it now....they should check the..time...date....venue....invitees....rsvp...invitation...schedule....

In April I had a distressed call from a daughter. "I missed my flight!!" The conversation in my head went.."but I thought you checked that it was leaving tomorrow and not today...didn't I say something about that?" The actual dialogue held back. "Well now what can be done?" Which also meant that I stepped up to the plate and arranged rides, and plans so they could make a departure in a few hours. She was attending a wedding in Mexico. The thing was she used to work in the airlines. She saw this happen a million times. She didn't check it.

Last night, after many queries about why the Friday ferry had changed from last week....my son just placating me that I was getting old....forgetful....perhaps imbibing. I found a text message from my friend confirming her departure. I forwarded it. Still he did not check. I have that personality that does not let things go as easily as most. It nagged on me....and so I checked on the web at 5:45 only to discover the ferry was to leave at 6:25. We were waiting on someone....my son wasn't ready.....and now....we were taxing separate cars to get them there.... It is not ego that makes me point out that I pushed them out the door with my husband and planned to take the other at arrival. At least my son might make it. The terminal is 25 minutes away and the tickets close sale at 6:15.

My son made the ferry by the fraction of a moment. The friend did not. He was texting me...not quite admitting that I am the consummate planner...ensuring his berth with my frenetic thoughts. He is grateful, humbled and probably annoyed that once again the intuition has been proved right.

Do you think they will listen next time????

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Paying attention

A visit to the doctor indicated that I had a massive infection in my lungs, throat and sinus. I had a sore throat - not enough for panic but a sudden loss of weight had me self-diagnosing and heading to the doctor. His diagnoses was less dramatic - his cure antibiotics, bed rest, corticosteriods. He was amazed I was functioning....and especially not at half-mast but full on work, running, yoga, and life itself.

This morning I awoke realizing how it takes a lot for me to pay attention to what is happening to me. Physically, I suck it up....and I knew that was a reflection of other things in my life.

I am in the habit of ignoring when things are uncomfortable. I am the one that does not mind the smaller piece, the last dregs of coffee...or adapting my taste and leaving out cream in my coffee because everyone else used it up. I am the one that takes in the kids that need a home, forgetting to count the cost of extra driving, adjusting to tastes, emotional ups and downs, and the energy it will take for me. I am the one that plans the family dinners - amidst sickness, stress, health or my own need for rest. I don't notice that I am tired....

I am in the habit of considering what should be done...what ought to be done....not necessarily what I want to do. I am not sure if I even ask what I want to do most of the time...

The cost of not paying attention sneaks up eventually. The realization that emotions are gurgling within is the price I pay.

My stomach has ached and gurgled all week as well. The cure for the infection has become more disruptive than the condition itself. But, science and wisdom assure me that ignoring the infection would be to my demise. I expect the solution there is a parallel in all my life.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

All the Answers

I really don't have them all....but I cannot convince at least 8 people in my life of this. Taxes, cooking, word usage and definition, the rules of hockey, sewing, laundry, vegetarian cooking, vitamins, healthy living, headaches, heartaches, love...where their keys are...where their bank statement is...their SIN....their passport. Recipes for cookies, bread, lentils, lasagna, roast, tofu, ice cream cake and the most decadent brownies are called upon.

Will my epitaph have directions for them all?

I am sure at one time my ego would have soared at being the wealth of information...perhaps I vied for this honourific .. but come on guys.... we have google now!!