Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To say I have understood this week would be untrue. Family issues and stories circulate and wander through dinner conversations and thoughts out loud. Most things have been discussed so many times that the more it is rehashed, the harder it is to break out of the rut of negativity.

I wish this wasn't so. I wish I was able to steer them in a different direction....off the path of destructiveness. I have used humour, logic and reasoning to dissuade the chatter, only to feel like I am the rudder on a toy boat trying to turn a freighter around.

I am ashamed to admit that I have participated, and perhaps even added fodder to the maligning. I stop part way through and say I am judging something that isn't mine. I correct what I should and keep quiet. My arsenal is large. I could barrage with injustice, misunderstanding and not being appreciated, as well as with pandering, patronizing and insensitivity. I choose not to.

Lest you think it is all noble; it isn't. I wish it were. The truth is I know it will go nowhere. To point out others' faults means that three fingers are pointed back at me. I notice that now. Each time I judge I am aware that this is something that is evident in my own life. Each time I feel superior enough to point out another's flaws, I will be humbled by the frequency and severity for which I myself am imperfect.

How we ventured into this sea of repugnance, I do not know. To find the cape that will lead us to calmer waters is what I strive for.

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